machine of death
Here's a submission for the Machine of Death anthology. I'm going to send it in a few weeks. Any help you guys could offer with this appreciated.
People will always try to beat the machine, but it may not be for the reasons you're expecting.
"Look." I sighed. "My employer has instituted mandatory testing. I have to find a way to beat the machine."
"Sheesus." Paul said. "Why'd you want to work for a bunch of pricks like that?"
"It's more of a calling" I said, lifting the top back on my trench coat showing him my white collar."
This version is essentially the final draft/complete version. Everything's there, although I'm not 100% happy with the tacked on ending. I think it needs to be there, but it's not 100% where I want it to be. Something about implementing new plot-points at the last second. Figures, right? At any rate, I've certainly learned a great deal about writing seriously through this iterative process. I've got a few more MoD ideas that I'm going to be working on as time passes, and I'll hit them with this same process.
As always, feedback is appreciated.
Introduction: This is for the same anthology, surprisingly, somebody else on here posted a story for. The premise can be found here:
I still plan to flesh it out a bit more, but this is the basic story. I'm looking for any critique or comments that might help me with the story, especially on my characterization. I don't feel I'm giving my characters enough depth.
UPDATE: This now has two versions- one with comments, and one without. To skip to the comments, click here.
This is the official "First Draft", complete with all of the major plot points that I want in the story. I'm looking for feedback on the general structure of the story as a whole, the specific characters that we've got, and the actual implementation of the core plot points.
v. 0.1 Initial draft release. A basic exposition of the core featureset of the story, released on Oort-Cloud only for early "alpha" phase feedback.
v. 0.2 Removed the "Syphilis" gag. Too slapstick and not dramatic enough. Replaced it with an allusion, relying on the reader's imagination to create the the most humiliating possible death.
v. 0.3 Expanded on the fiscal problems with the company. This will serve as foreshadowing for un-implemented plot points. Current word count ≈ 1,622.
I'm going to take a crack at the iterative/interactive writing model. I'm working on several stories for the Machine of Death project, which is my first actual attempt at writing fiction for publication. I've had the occasional technical article show up in some places like NewsForge. As you might imagine, I'm have some trepidation about it. Since I'm already concerned about that particular experiment, I see no reason to not expand this to incorporating this into another experiment- namely, Oort-Cloud.