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Cold Boot

Introducing Lance Steele! For reasons which shall become obvious, I'm thinking of donating him to this community. I bet people could have a HOOT playing around with him.

Cold Boot
Bill Rogers

Stiletto tumbled helplessly, dark and powerless, lost between the stars, so far from home.

On the courier ship’s cramped bridge the emergency lights flickered and came on. Lance Steele shook his head, groaning. He blinked and rubbed his eyes.

“Report,” he croaked.

“This is the damage control backup computer. What report do you wish, Lieutenant Steele?” a computer asked, in its gratingly calm voice.

Idiot computer! “Where are we? What happened to my ship? Start with ship’s status, malfunction report, critical systems only.”

“Certainly, Lieutenant Steele. Processing. Hyperdrive is shut down. The navigation system is offline, therefore our location is unknown. Life support is failing. The hibernation cylinder doesn’t respond to my signals. Fusion generator offline. Main computer does not respond to commands, reason unknown.”

“Great,” Lance said, his voice full of sarcasm. “Just what do I have left?”

“Emergency locator beacon operating. Emergency batteries, reserve life support, thrusters with manual control subsystem, and sublight drive are all fully operational.”

“And just what use are those to me now?” Lance growled.

“The emergency locator beacon sends a signal which…”

“I was talking to myself!” Lance shouted. "Shut up, you worthless--"

"Command understood."

Lance sighed. "You have no idea how comforting that is to me, computer." It didn't reply. That was good.

Lance watched the stars outside as they rolled by slowly. What could he do? There were always alternatives. Think, man, think!

He had life support for an hour or two, if he was lucky. It would take him longer than that figure out which, if any, of the stars he saw had human colonies. The emergency beacon wouldn’t help him. Its signal would take weeks, months, maybe even a year or two to reach a human colony, depending on where he was. He didn’t even bother to consider trying to reach one of those stars using the sublight drive. With the distances between the stars, humans would probably have evolved into another species before he'd reach them.

"Computer. What caused all these failures?"

"The best hypothesis is that Stiletto encountered a local space curvature inversion, overloading the hyperdrive. The snap shutdown of the hyperdrive sent shockwaves through all plasma conduits, causing other ship systems to shut down as well. Given my limited computing ability, this hypothesis is only grade B, seventy-five percent probability or less."

"But that shouldn't have destroyed any of the systems."

"Agreed. Plasma dumps should have opened, preventing damage to critical systems. However, with main computer offline there is no way to be certain if this occurred. Nor is there any way to reset the emergency dump valves."

"Give me my options for repair."

"First option. EVA. Shut plasma dump valves manually. Restart main computer using warm boot procedures. Estimated time for completion, three to four hours. I recommend this option."

“You stupid computer! Life support will be exhausted long before I could complete those repairs."

"Failure of life support systems is unimportant. It will not affect ship operations in any--"

"Not important! The lives of the crew don't matter to you?"

"Preservation of human life is my prime priority. However, human life is not--"

"Shut up, shut up! What's the next option?"

"Perform a full cold boot of the main computer. With the plasma power system shut down, there is less than a twenty-five percent chance the main computer will have enough power to reboot. In addition, I have no way to determine whether the main computer is damaged or not. However, if it does reboot, it can probably close the plasma shunts and restart all shipboard systems.”

"I have no choice," Lance growled. "Perform the full cold reboot."

"Warning," the damage control computer said, flashing red lights and frantic text at him. "A full cold reboot will shut down and reboot all, repeat, ALL, computer systems aboard ship, including the Autonomous Piloting and Executive System.

Shutdown of the APEX System will result in..."

"Just do it! Command priority alpha!"

"Command understood. Commencing cold boot."


Stiletto tumbled helplessly, dark and powerless, lost, so far from home.

On the courier ship’s cramped bridge the emergency lights flickered and came on. Lance Steele shook his head, groaning. He blinked and rubbed his eyes. “Report,” he croaked.


Fisher turned off the cockpit log tape they’d recovered from the derelict courier ship.
“Lieutenant Lance Steele of the Galactic Patrol!” she said, sarcastically. “And how many times did he do this?"

Stuart just shook his head. "Approximately three thousand six hundred. Until all battery power was exhausted."

"BLAST the APEX procedures manual! Why can't we just tell them they're androids?"

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.5 License.
I don't see a Creative Commons license for this, but derivative works using Lance Steele characters and worlds are specifically allowed... nay, encouraged.

Okay, that was funny. Was

Okay, that was funny. Was wondering where the humor was until the last part ... and then thanks to you, I damn near spit beer on my keyboard. Could've been expensive, you bastard :D

I like it!

Not sure I can write good droid satire but I may give Lance a chance or thousand.

Go for it. This is gonna be

Go for it. This is gonna be fun. :)

But I'm going to have to move up release of the other Lance Steele stories so everyone will know his crew, etc., so far.

Wow! That was way cooler

Wow! That was way cooler than I had anticipated, coming into it. Go you! I love being surprised by a story.
The only thing that hit my the wrong way was the "Stiletto tumbled helplessly, dark and powerless, lost, so far from home." bit. It feels as if you have too many adjectives and adverbs in one sentence. Maybe consider making it into a whole descriptive paragraph? That also might help the reader get their bearings sooner. It took me a bit to figure out what Stiletto was.
Otherwise, some minor problems with phrasing in the dialogue (which might just be my own personal preference) were all I found.
I really like where you're going with this. I'm sure everyone would love to jump in on this if you don't mind :)

I changed the license to

I changed the license to encourage jumping-in-on. Have fun!

Ooh, also...

I don't know if you can do this retroactively, but you might want to add a tag for "Lance Steele" to make it easier for people to find the stories.

hee! I'll give it a try. Now

hee! I'll give it a try. Now let's see if I can make it as good as yours. :)

paulbhartzog's picture

Lance Steele for Everybody

heh, I like short reads that are actually good like this one.

Donate him. You'll have the distinction of being our first "Open Content" author (which means I'll blog it :-)

Maybe you can even get a tax break. Heck, get enough people to write Lance Steele stories, and maybe we can talk a publisher into printing an anthology and you all might make a few samolians ;-)

So be it!

Fine. I donate Lance Steele to the community. I really want to see what other people would do with him.

I have a few other stories with him. They introduce his world, and the other main characters aboard Stiletto (no matter which Stiletto you're talking about). I'll post them in a day or two when i dig them up.

The Bible on Lieutenant Lance Steele is that he never ever gets the basic joke of his existance. Also, you know all those things Kirk does that should get him killed? They DO get Lance killed. Repeatedly.

Guess I'll have to change the license in Cold Boot to "derivative works encouraged." I'll do that soon also.

Thanks, hafoc! I think Lance

Thanks, hafoc! I think Lance is about to have some 'interesting' times ahead...