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Caveman Scifi

This story not happen yesterday. This story not happen today. Actually, this story not happen at all. Before our ancestor Grnuh make first wheel we have no wheel. But now we have wheel. Maybe tomorrow, or tomorrow tomorrow somebody like Grnuh (but not Grnuh) make something we not have now. This story not real but maybe one day real. This story about K'Kronk who is not real but like Grnuh and make many new things we not have now.

One day K'Kronk on Mammoth Hill. K'Kronk look for Mammoth because no Mammoth or any hunt animals seen for long time. K'Kronk's people very hungy, little ones already die. To see far away K'Kronk is using his Far Eyes. K'Kronk's far eyes very very special and let him see faraway like they are close. Even with Far Eyes K'Kronk look for hunt animals or Mammoth for 3 days. K'Kronk very brave and even though tribe leader he only eat berries and let men eat real food so that they hunt and not get too tired. Get too tired with Mammoth Mammoth tusks make you see ancestors long gone.

When K'Kronk see Mammoth very far away he know Mammoth not stay long. K'Kronk run fast and summon hunting-age men. K'Konk tell hunting men to put on special boots made by K'Kronk which make men jump high and move very very fast. K'Kronk tell men they must travel 3 days distance in less than one day to get mammoth or mammoth gone and people die. People all trust K'Kronk so hunting men put on boots. Some men laugh when see boots because boots very large and with tree pieces and iron all around leg. K'Kronk also very good at iron so some iron very small and long, like grain stalk. K'Kronk friend Og say boots look like young women thing and K'Kronk hit Og and K'Kronk and Og and all men and villiage laugh and laugh.

Because Mammoth moving and very very far K'Kronk say no ceremony. This make old men and women angry but K'Kronk say ceremony after Mammoth meat in stomach of little ones.

Some hunting men jump with K'Kronk's boots and hit head on trees. People scared and quiet. All hunting men leave and move very very fast to where K'Kronk say Mammoth maybe go.

At end of day men find Mammoth. Already almost dark, but Mammoth moving. Mammoth also very large so men say no day time left to fight Mammoth. K'Kronk say that if men work hard they maybe kill mammoth. K'Kronk also take out new thing. Men state at K'Kronk's weapon, which has big stone piece and many spears. Men say K'Kronk's spears not useful for hunting mammoth and not useful for anything. But K'Kronk laugh and start running to kill mammoth. Men follow.

They see Mammoth and K'Kronk tell men to hunt. Men and K'Kronk fight Mammoth but when Mammoth bleed and run, K'Kronk take special rock with many spears and hold it in his lap. like basket. K'Kronk squat like K'Kronk want to shit but rock make sound like thunder and send spears flying into Mammoth. Mammoth now tired and many many blood so men kill Mammoth when light almost gone.

Men eat Mammoth until morning. Some men eat so much Mammoth they get sick and throw up big pieces of pink Mammoth meat. Men bring much much meat back to villiage and villiage and women and little ones not die. K'Kronk hero forever.

Definitely amusing. I love

Definitely amusing. I love the concept.

I'd add a little additional detail, like maybe the tale's being told around a fire, to a rapt (or scoffing, or both) audience from the narrator's tribe. Since he's already introducing the idea to his people, it might make sense to present it more as a direct narration-to-an-audience, than as a straightforward tale.

A bit more conflict could be good too, for instance, the part where the cavemen are jumping with K'Kronk's boots and hitting their heads on the trees ... maybe one of them dies. Adds a bit of drama where K'Kronk then has to work a little harder convincing others to come (or ends up having to go by himself.)

Also, who's K'Kronk? Does he have status within the tribe, is he a lonely outcast, is he young, is he old?

You had me with the first para

In fact, consider the possibility that the entire story is just one paragraph long, and something very close to your current first para.

Em

Well, with that first paragraph I was trying to get the narrator to introduce the idea of speculative fiction to a group of people from his own time, where the ideas of 'the future', 'scientific progress', and even objective reality might be completely foreign. It also introduces the reader to the background of the narrator.

Intriguing

As an idea I really like this but I think it needs a bit more work on the actual telling. It could be tightened up a touch more to add some more punch.

Managing to do this and keeping the (intentional) clunkiness of the neolithic narrator will be quite hard, I imagine, but worth it in the end.